Daftlad's Robot Club, by Spider Noises

Daftlad's Robot Club

by Spider Noises

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1.	Equipment Smith 02:38	buy track
2.	Mac Demarco Might As Well Retire 02:26	buy track
3.	She's Not A Star (Heather Windows) 03:48	buy track
4.	Fly Spray 01:36	buy track
5.	Rodney's Lament 02:06	buy track
6.	Space Hotel 2019AD 02:08	buy track
7.	Thought You Would Cry 02:33	buy track
8.	Dirty Turlough 02:20	buy track

about

Equipment Smith was mental. You could play two different songs at the same time and he would dance to both of them simultaneously. No matter how different the songs were in tempo, a hip gyration or a shoulder pop would match every single beat. "Eyes in the back of his feet," they used to say.

Heather Windows could see numbers everywhere, patterns in everything. She was the fastest mathematician in the world. They say her brain worked faster than a calculator, but you can't prove that, of course. Unsurprisingly, when she came to you-know-where and saw that polyrhythmic dancer, she was fascinated. They say something had happened to her that night that made her go there. Something unspeakable.

Dirty Turlough was a seedy little cunt. He used to get hammered and spout bollocks about how he was going to 'solve the population crisis' by making every woman in the world fall in love with him, thus preventing them from having sex with anyone else. By half past 7 he'd sink his eighth pint and announce, "I'm off to get my dick wet for planet Earth!" That night, we all know where his mission took him.

Rodney Combat was a different kind of weird. The black sheep of the Club, perhaps. He claimed to be able to see the future, or the past, or hell, or heaven, or something - but only while crossing railway lines. He'd had a fight in a bar, then he walked towards the quayside, and on the railway bridge he had a vision of some sort. He would never tell anyone what exactly they were about. Not until he went there.

That was the night they all realised they were robots.

credits

released December 9, 2019

Written, performed and 'mixed' by Jack Calvesbert. Cover photo and frying pan by Eughan Wooding. Recorded between September and December 2019 in Bedroom A and the living room of Casa del Bastards.

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Spider Noises Durham, UK

Slithering slowly skyward like a slug up a flagpole.

Photo by Zachary Hinson

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